This continet is using the carrot on the stick to keep me from sinking into utter depression. Every week, it's the same thing:
Find one thing to keep you going through the week, focus on that thing, get through your shit, move on. Since the beginning of the year, that was Electronic Artists Society where I was learning to work turntables. For the last week and a half, it's been the Laramie Project auditions. Now it's seeing Tara on Tuesday, for some miniscule chance of something happening (and if it does, my heart getting smashed again in three months. Christ, why do I do this to myself?)
I don't love anyone here. I never realized what a large component of my life that was until it was gone. I might not learn a damn thing about Australia or this part of the world, but I'm learning more about myself here than I ever thought I would.
So basically, I'm a few steps away from depression. How the hell do I mood swing like this. I realize also, that I like attention WAY too much. Am I becoming an actor because I just love attention? That's the wrong reason to do it, isn't it? Yesterday, I was so happy. Today I just want to go home.
I had a brain fart in European Modernist Drama Performance today while we were checking out canes and such for props for certain characters, and I thought "Oh, I should go home and get some of my grandfather's old ca- wait a minute. Shit." And I realized again, just how damn far away from home that I am.
Watching "Lost in Translation" didn't help either. An hour and a half of my life that I'm just not going to get back. I think I went into it with WAY too high expectations though, after what Matt told me about it. This pretty much sums up how I feel:
Typhoon921 (11:57:51 PM): btw this country... you need a car in it
Typhoon921 (11:57:54 PM): or it's like south plainfield
Typhoon921 (11:57:57 PM): i have no car
JE Darkness (11:58:03 PM): oh man
Typhoon921 (11:58:03 PM): you remember high school
Typhoon921 (11:58:04 PM): you do the math.
JE Darkness (11:58:10 PM): LMAO
Find one thing to keep you going through the week, focus on that thing, get through your shit, move on. Since the beginning of the year, that was Electronic Artists Society where I was learning to work turntables. For the last week and a half, it's been the Laramie Project auditions. Now it's seeing Tara on Tuesday, for some miniscule chance of something happening (and if it does, my heart getting smashed again in three months. Christ, why do I do this to myself?)
I don't love anyone here. I never realized what a large component of my life that was until it was gone. I might not learn a damn thing about Australia or this part of the world, but I'm learning more about myself here than I ever thought I would.
So basically, I'm a few steps away from depression. How the hell do I mood swing like this. I realize also, that I like attention WAY too much. Am I becoming an actor because I just love attention? That's the wrong reason to do it, isn't it? Yesterday, I was so happy. Today I just want to go home.
I had a brain fart in European Modernist Drama Performance today while we were checking out canes and such for props for certain characters, and I thought "Oh, I should go home and get some of my grandfather's old ca- wait a minute. Shit." And I realized again, just how damn far away from home that I am.
Watching "Lost in Translation" didn't help either. An hour and a half of my life that I'm just not going to get back. I think I went into it with WAY too high expectations though, after what Matt told me about it. This pretty much sums up how I feel:
Typhoon921 (11:57:51 PM): btw this country... you need a car in it
Typhoon921 (11:57:54 PM): or it's like south plainfield
Typhoon921 (11:57:57 PM): i have no car
JE Darkness (11:58:03 PM): oh man
Typhoon921 (11:58:03 PM): you remember high school
Typhoon921 (11:58:04 PM): you do the math.
JE Darkness (11:58:10 PM): LMAO
