Had a... falling out? with an old friend tonight. I won't go into the gory details or name names, but basically, I asked him politely (over AIM) to stop using the term "wetbacks" in front of me. He told me that I should stop whining. I told him he was right. I ended the conversation right there, and I sincerely doubt that I'll talk to him again any time soon.

I've felt like I was watching my back for four months here in Australia, subconsciously trying to act and look as masculine as possible to avoid a potential gay bashing. I've listened to blatant bigotry voiced against Aborigines by ignorant rich kids. I realize now how willing I was to bend over for other people's beliefs, other people's bigoted feelings, other people's hatred.

I'm done with it. I'm done with all of it. This island is also a crucible, and I am emerging a different person. Living alone here, by myself has shown me what I have really become in 21 years. I will learn to stand on my own.

Every living creature on earth dies alone. - Donnie Darko.

I really used to believe that. I have seemed to have forgotten that in the last few years. I am learning it again.

If I want to pursue my dreams to write, to create, I must be willing to forge my own paths, regardless of someone else's negative feelings. Yet I must maintain the love in my life. It will be a long, hard road. I think this year, senior year, will change me immeasurably. I can only hope that it is for the better.

I hope that I will find as much unjudgmental love at home as I found here among strangers...